The Claw!

I once worked for a software company that had their product installed at banks around the globe. One night around 10 PM, two days before Halloween, I got called at home with a particularly nasty little software bug. I decided I needed to go into the office.

I had a small problem...three small problems, actually. My wife had gone out for a "girls night out" and I had no way to reach her, so I had to rouse my three sleepy children and take them into work with me. They were excited about going on an "adventure" in the "middle of the night".

There was a large conference room next to my office at work, and I deposited the kids in there. The conference room featured a large whiteboard with a multitude of dry-erase markers, and I told the kids to draw something special for Daddy. They attacked the whiteboard with artistic glee and I went into my office.

I forgot about Rocky.

Rocky was the building janitor. He had lost both of his hands and forearms in Vietnam. He had realistic prosthetics that he used for his "day job", but at night when he emptied trashcans and cleaned offices he used two generic metal claw devices to speed up his cleaning.

I heard the bloodcurdling screams. I turned around in my chair only to be knocked over by three figures that exploded into my office with looks of sheer terror on their face. My kids dove behind me, underneath my desk.

"The claw! THE CLAW! He's COMING FOR US!"

Now, a good father would have calmed them down right then and there and shown them there was nothing to be afraid of with Mr. Rocky.

....I'm not a good dad.

I said "gee kids let me go see what's going on". They were trembling.

I walked outside my office and Rocky was standing there with a sheepish grin on his face. He started to apologize for scaring my kids but I hushed him wordlessly. I mouthed "watch this" and said loudly "Who ARE YOU? What are you doing in this building? I oughta..." and then made a gurgling sound. I "fell" back into my office, grabbing my throat in front of the kids, Rocky standing over me.

I looked over at my kids, still underneath my desk, to see if they'd wised up yet...

...and noticed my son had grabbed my phone off the desk and was in the process of dialing 911.

Whoops!

I fessed up immediately and my kids were full of nervous laughter....they kept looking suspiciously at Rocky. I don't think they got ANY sleep that night....