I was a First Class Jackass

Reading James Fallows' excellent essay on last minute bumps from first class airline cabins today reminded me of my own career as a "first class jackass".

It is the policy of AirTran airlines to give away unused first class seats to servicemen and servicewomen. I heartily endorse this strategery.

I had to fly once on very short notice from Washington DC to Atlanta. All the coach seats were sold, so I held my nose and spent my hard earned cash (okay....my company's hard-earned cash) on a full-fare walk up first class ticket. The sort of ticket that makes airlines obscenely profitable.

I board the plane at the last moment, and lo and behold, there's an Army private in my seat. The gracious flight attendant explains how I've purchased a seat and he'll have to return to his coach seat.

This did NOT sit well with my fellow first class cabinmates.

Much sniffing and tut-tutting and disdain ensued. I simply smiled and told my detractors that if they felt so strongly about it, why not offer their own seat to the private? I even offered a deal to two people: let's compare the dollar amount for the ticket paid on our itinerary. Lowest price could go to coach, no questions asked.

Gosh, it seemed my sanctimonious detractors didn't want to play my little game.....they were flying on comped upgrades.

First he wasn't, then he was...

While grilling outside earlier this past week, I opened the back door to my deck and a bright green flash bolted into my house. The most electric green lizard I've ever seen!

We had a fun time playing chase all through the house but I eventually gave up when he ran beneath the refrigerator.

Two days later, I was opening up a window and my lizard buddy jumped out at me from the windows sill....except he was dull yellow, the color of the wall!

How cool, I thought, a chameleon! We had yet another impromptu game of "Chase the Damned Lizard" and he escaped into a hole in the baseboard beneath the dishwasher....except every where he ran he left a trail of pollen. It wasn't a chameleon, it was a lizard coated in pollen!

This morning I got up and got the vacuum cleaner out. I switched on the motor and something large and BROWN flew across my brown floor. Yep. Mr. Lizard-who-wasn't-a-Chameleon is officially a Chameleon again.

Seeing as I haven't seen a single bug in the house since he's moved in, I'm leaning towards keeping him.

I'm going to name him Romney.