If you don't stop, you'll go blind

Mom was right: if you don't stop, you'll go blind....

In a moment of personal vanity, I tried on contact lenses at my annual eye check at the optometrist last week. Hey, I've got a much younger girlfriend, and every bit helps, right?

After four days, though, I gave up. It was difficult to put them in each morning, and irritating to take them out each night. I poked around so much in my right eye last Friday trying to remove my contact that I seriously irritated my eyeball. Enough was enough, I conceded defeat and ordered new eyeglasses.

It's been five days since I ordered my new glasses. I have an increasingly hard time using my old glasses, plenty of eyestrain, and now my right eye seems to really have a problem focusing. Headaches abound, and I can't wait for my new glasses to come in....

This morning, my eyes were especially irritated...and so was I.

I rubbed my eyes, and lo and behold a contact lens popped out of my right eye...I thought I'd pulled that damned thing out last week! No wonder everything looked blurry even with my old glasses on!

...and I'd been putting Visine in my irritated eyes at night, and Visine and contact lenses are an especially bad combination.

I continue to find new and novel ways to abuse my body....

Expletive!

I was at a convenience store this morning getting some badly needed coffee. I bumped into a guy...a massive human refrigerator, and immediately apologized.

He let out a string of profanity that I haven't heard since I accidently clobbered a drill sergeant in Army basic training, many many years ago.

Now, when someone starts swearing at you, you immediately "hackle up". Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a friend of his coming towards me quickly, and I remember thinking "well, this day has certainly gone to hell in a hurry...".

Then I noticed that Mr. Foulmouth had a twitch in both his left eye and the corner of his mouth, and like the philosopher Yogi Berra once said "It was deja vu all over again....."

Tourette's Syndrome

The guy couldn't help the word salad coming out of his mouth.

Almost the exact same scenario had happened to me right out of college, and I swore if it ever happened again, I would recognize it and be understanding....
....so 30+ years later it does, and I still reacted the same way I did a long time ago.

His friend began to make all sorts of excuses for him, and I quickly explained I knew what the issue was and I understood.

*whew*

Valero has terrible coffee, too.

Fashionista!

I was feeling decidedly thinner today so I thought I'd go see if I could achieve the "Holy Grail" and fit into a pair of jeans with a 34-inch waist (a feat not accomplished since 1978).

I went to my favorite designer jeans store, Joe's Jeans. My lovely Vietnamese fashion adviser, Thieu, actually remembered me, probably because of the large amount of money I've spent there a few months back replenishing my suddenly too-big wardrobe.

I certainly remembered her, mostly because of her charming little habit of walking into my dressing room unannounced while I was in the midst of changing clothes. Well, fool me once, yada yada....I made sure to wear underwear this trip.

Anyway, I asked for and got some 34-inch waist jeans...and I was able to fit into them. Technically, anyway. I was able to close the top button, although breathing was a bit difficult....but hey, I was fittin' into 34 inch pants! Goal achieved and sexy level 10 achievement unlocked!

Then I saw the look in Thieu's eyes. My face turned red. "I look like a stuffed sausage, don't I?"  I'd recognized that look of disgust from women back when I was obese. She nodded.

Oh well, I can still fit into slim fit 36 inch pants!  I bought a pair of 36s and decided that Christmas day would be my new 34-inch goal.