"The Fish Are Dying!"

Against my better judgment, my youngest daughter Jenni inherited a fully stocked aquarium from her loving maternal grandparents last Christmas. I told her in no uncertain terms that she would be taking this aquarium off to college with her, as I had no interest in any pet that can't say "woof". She said she'd be quite happy to take her fishies with her.

Well, today was The Big Day: my daughter was moving into her dorm at Georgia college. We dutifully packed approximately 450 pounds of her favorite clothing into my wife's Pontiac Grand Am (I wish I'd taken a pic of the sagging back end of the car!!) and prepped the aquarium for the Big Move.

We opted to take "the shortcut" and bypass the interstate altogether in the interest of saving time and gas. This meant a long boring haul on a two lane logging road through the Oconee national forest.

An hour into the two hour trip, my daughter yells from the back seat "Dad! The Fish Are DYING!" I glance in the rearview mirror and sure enough, it's Goldfish Armaggeddon. My wife is of no help whatsoever ("Maybe they're not totally dead yet...maybe they're mostly dead") ...I think she's watched Billy Crystal as Miracle Max in the Princess Bride too many times...

I'm feeling a bit helpless at this point...we've transported the aquarium before for hours with no problems. Not so today. We arrive at the college and the inside of the car is smelling like, um, spoiled fish. I quickly arrange for a hasty naval funeral ("burial at sea" in the dorm visitor's bathroom) while my wife attempts to console my daughter "we'll get you some fresh fish" ("I don't WANT 'fresh fish' sobs my daughter).

We ended up bringing the empty aquarium home.

RIP Penelope, Chomper and Dubya.